Maybe Tomorrow

At the end of 2019, it was almost amusing to deal with every difficult circumstance. They called it the retrograde and I pleasantly approved. For every bad thing that happened, there will be multiples of good things in 2020. 2020 is gonna be my year of great things just keep pushing to make it there. but then here we are, 2020 and bad things are still happening, it might even be worse than 2019 already and it has been less than 10 days, so what is the belief that is supposed to keep me going now?

Well, I guess I cannot say I believe in God without believing that everything happens for a reason, from me thinking this is love at first sight and lasting exactly 3 days to me borrowing a car and it being stolen right out from under me ( a whole fucking car). I have spent so much time crying and feeling hurt and scratching my head like a crazy person thinking I gotta wake up out this nightmare. These days I can hardly tell if I'm dreaming or awake.

Every time I realize this isn't a dream I almost want to fall on my knees in praise, because in this real-life I also hear other peoples stories, I am not the one whose whole family was just killed in a bombing, or whose 30-year-old wife collapsed and died with no prior illness. I am not the one who was in a car accident and is now paralyzed from head to toe neither have I been called to be told my child is not well or even deceased.

So in all things, I keep giving thanks, grateful for every minute of every day every deep breath and even the shallow ones I am able to take. I appreciate the big things but the little things put a smile on my face. In 2020 I am no longer waiting for a retrograde to be over, I am simply thankful because what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

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